I've been going through alot lately. I've had alot of pressure put on me that I didn't want. I have more responsibilities now then what I would ever wanted for myself 5 years ago. There are people depending on me now. Some times it starts to get a little overwhelming and frustrating. I am constantly second guessing myself and my decisions. All I really wanna do is bitch about it, escape it. I just wanna turn it all off and disappear sometimes. Push the power button, pull the plug, flip the switch... anything for a break sometimes.
But then I have days like Saturday. I had a giant list of things to do... and I watched Star Wars all day. Not productive in the slightest, especially considering I sat through the entire Phantom Menace. Days like Saturday exacerbate everything sometimes. Yes, I was able to relax for a while, but only at the expense of some responsibility I have. Which is not really a break at all. It's just procrastination.
But, finally, I feel like I am starting to get my feet under me. I feel like I am finally starting to gain back some control of things. I definitely still have alot of stressors out there that are constantly worrying me but I feel better about it today for some reason then I have in a while. I don't know. Nothing has changed. If anything, things have only gotten more complicated in the last week. But, I figure we have to do what we have to do regardless. We just have to power on sometimes. Just gotta get to the next item on the list.
I need to learn to trust myself more and I need to figure out a better way to motivate myself sometimes. I think that's the point of this post.
Side note: this orchestra did a tribute to Keith Flint and I really really liked it.
Go gettem tiger! by Ben from 19 February 2019
I thought this was pretty funny. Dudes really getting after it!
I have been doing a lot of coding lately. I have been switching all my apps from Sharpdevelop To Visual Studios. Normally this typa nerd talk would be relegated strictly to my security blog. However, I just wanted to take some time out to talk about how much I have been enjoying it.
Working on my Store Checker application for work has been very challenging, in a good way for me. I have been forced to re-learn and re-write a lot of my older code and it has been a fun trip down memory lane so far. Getting back into an older frame of mind and remembering how things flowed and why things were done the way they were can be a trip. Figuring out solutions to problems I was stuck on back in the day has been very rewarding in terms of my self worth lately. Sometimes knowing you have a little bit of control can go a long way.
As for my existing personal apps Ping Scanner, Port Knock, and TraceMON updating all of them and fixing up their UIs a bit has been pretty rewarding as well. These tools represent my intellectual journey into programming and computer security. I'd like my applications to represent me as a programmer/nerd. They are like my digital resume so to speak. Having a smoother UI and better code never hurts that goal.
And born out of necessity comes Time Keep. It's a pretty simple application but I have thoroughly enjoyed making something new... birthing something into the world. My only hope is that people will find it helpful. For me it fulfills it simple purpose perfectly.
I've been pretty low lately. Home and work are stressful sometimes and getting to sit down and figure some code out is just the intellectual stretch that I have been needing to me keep going.
Chemical Bros still banging! by Ben from 3 February 2019
The Chemical Brothers are about to drop a new album. I have heard some a bit in advance.. and I must say. Its going to be fucking great! Check out this new song.
Feeling my boy Marc today! by Ben from 31 January 2019
This has my head nodding hard!
Weapon of Choice by Ben from 22 January 2019
The new Weapon of Choice remix outa FatboySlim is a decent take on an old classic. What do you think?
Of course it is hard to beat my man Christopher Walken in the original! This video is still a classic in my mind.
BREAK YA HIP!
Final Robot Legs by Ben from 16 January 2019
It makes me so happy that robot legs are becoming a real thing!
Moon Hooch - Growing Up (Live at Nectar's Lounge) by Ben from 6 January 2019
I really want to see these guys live. So I am taking some time off in FEB to see them when they come to Tulsa.
Yo Team! It's been a while. by Ben from 6 January 2019
Hey Guys, It's been a while since I have made any posts or updates to this site. Well, That's changing today. Instead of using social media for posting and sharing content with people I am instead going to move all my sharing and posting to this site or my other blogs depending on the interest. Check back regularly for more posts.
Hello World by Ben from 21 Oct 2016
Hello World! My name is Ben Miller. I am just a nerdy guy with an interests in IT security, tech culture, retro gaming, and alternative living. I like to think of myself as a digital shaman. I've enjoyed all things tech since I was a young tike. I've ran the gambit from building my first computer on the floor of my buddies room in middle school to setting up pirate World of Warcraft servers in high school to now helping manage a massive network. Tech has always been a passion of mine. Currently I am diving head first into computer security. My goal is to build tools and write code that people find useful and to help spread awareness through actively educating myself. Check out my blog here.
Well, That's just like your opinion, man. - The Dude